Hello, Mr. Russian guy, welcome to the Oval Office. This is where I get to sit when I make my important decisions. Because I'm the President, you know. It's true. I have a map that says so. I'm a great President. The best. That's Jackson there on the wall. He was a great President too. A great, great president. Tremendous.
I have great intelligence. Every day I get great briefings with great intelligence. You know what intelligence is? It's called "intel" by us in the know. Not many people know that, because it's secret, but I figured it out. My intel is the best. Last week I had intel about this laptop bomb thing from Isis. We got it from our contact in, well, it's secret where he is so I'll whisper it in your ear, OK? Bet you didn't know that, huh? Have I got the best intel, or what? That contact is so super secret even I don't know who he is, just that he's posing as a... not now, General, I'm talking to my friend Mr. Russian guy here. Anyway, this intel we're getting, we don't even have to get it ourselves, because we have great friends. This was given to us by the... stop interrupting, General, please.
I bet you didn't know that, did you? Nah, didn't think so. Anyway, our great friend told us this great secret in great confidence, and we're really, really smart because of all our great intelligence. I get it on these pages with bullet points and all. Like this one right here. See? There's that thing I just told you. And there's some other thing, and that thing. Yes, you can keep it, I'm sure they made copies. Bet you don't get your intel in bullet points, do you? My idea. Mine. I'm a great President. The best. It's true. Everyone knows it. General, what is it? Stop interrupting!
Mr. Russian guy, would you like a Coke? I just press this button and shout for one, and they bring it to me. It's great. Have you seen the photos from my inauguration? Huge crowd. The biggest ever. It's true. I'm so great. And my intelligence is the best.
