Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Going Down Like Al Capone

Al Capone, famous for his violent and ruthless booze smuggling syndicate during the prohibition, did not actually go to jail for his main crimes, because he made sure to keep his distance and let his minions do the dirty work. Instead, his demise was a massive case of tax evasion, which earned him a long sentence. It was of course a disappointment to the prosecutors who had hoped to nail him for his main crimes, which were heinous and brutal, but the end result was the same: he ended up in jail and never regained control of his organization.

Donald Trump may have committed treason by his conspiration with Russia, but he also appears to have had enough shady dealings in money laundering to die in jail. Whatever gets him incarcerated and out of the Oval Office is fine with me. I'm not picky.

Monday, June 5, 2017

His Own Worst Enemy

Donald Trump has been instructed by his lawyers not to tweet without thinking, but he obviously can't think. Today he decided "screw it" and tweeted some more about what he yesterday referred to as his "Muslim ban" that he must not call a Muslim ban, but instead called it a "travel ban" after his lawyers have spent months trying to argue that it isn't a ban at all. He then went on to claim that what he really wants is the original, unconstitutional version, and then some.

His lawyers must have all made facepalms when they saw this. Donald Trump went straight against their advice and sabotaged any chances he might have had in getting the not-a-ban approved in court. He is truly a moron. But we knew that already.


Sunday, June 4, 2017

Scared, Stupid And Stubborn

Following the terrorist attack on London Bridge, world leaders responded through the proper official channels with a unified message: we grieve with Britain, and we stand united against terror. Donald Trump, however, started off with a premature tweet before the story was confirmed, long before the London Police had announced that they were treating the heinous act as a terrorist attack, and what he chose to put into that tweet was basically "OMG WE NEED TO BAN ALL MUSLIMS *NOW* FROM ENTERING THE U.S!".

Trying to immediately use the attack for his own political gain. Ugly.

He followed up the next morning with a tweet based on a stupid misunderstanding of the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan. Trump is not a good listener, and his brain is obviously not working right. Khan had told people not to be alarmed by the increased presence of police in the streets, but the bigot Trump who seems genuinely disturbed by the fact that Khan is a muslim, tweeted (paraphrased): "OMG PEOPLE ARE DEAD AND HE SAYS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM!"

Attacking the Mayor of London over a stupid misunderstanding the day after a terrorist attack struck his city. A new low, even for Trump.

Then something extraordinary happened. The Mayor of London was asked to comment, and he said "I have more important things to do than respond to a tweet from Donald Trump." Using his name and not his title sent a clear message: Donald Trump is not a proper President, but a twittering fool.

The President of the United States is being ignored and openly dismissed as a nuisance. Over the course of just a few months, Donald Trump has transformed the United States from the de facto leader of the free world to an annoying disturbance. He is an embarrassment and a disgrace, and he needs to go. Now.

Update: the following day, Khan made a comment on Trump's tweet, pointing out that the quote was taken out of context and misrepresented. Trump, refusing to admit that he just misread, made an even bigger fool of himself by calling that a "pathetic excuse". That's right. Donald Trump, President of the United States, took to insulting the Mayor of London in the immediate aftermath of a terrorist attack, which he and the London Police handled admirably. Is Donald Trump so filled with hatred of Islam that he simply cannot see that Khan, who happens to be Muslim, is a far better leader than him?

Donald Trump is actually claiming, with angry fervour, that the rest of the world read Khan's message wrong, and that only he, Donald Trump, read it right. For a person who can barely read, that is a pretty bold claim.

Trump is not just uneducated and unintelligent. His angry tweets are starting to look like the ravings of a madman. As if it weren't enough that he is ignorant, stupid and mean, he is also crazy, in the literal sense: irrational, erratic, paranoid.

The President is crazy. We really, really can't have that.



Spacing Out

"White House detaching from reality in 3... 2... 1... Mark."
"Disconnection confirmed. WH, you are now in moral and ethical free fall. No arguments will reach you, and your narrative will be unhampered by facts."
"Commencing tests. Donald Trump, our great leader, today received congratulations from everyone for his bold decision to unilaterally pull out of the Paris Climate Accord and join the proud nations of Nicaragua and Syria in forging its own path ahead."
"It seems to be working. You said that with a straight face."
"What? Sorry, I can't hear you. But I really don't want to. The White House wishes everyone to know that President Donald Trump, our glorious and benevolent leader who makes America great again with his every breath, is currently handling international politics by playing golf. He hit five hole-in-ones already on the first round and solved several of the world's long standing problems by sending out carefully worded, perfectly balanced and absolutely correctly spelled tweets. Other world leaders are bowing down to him in awe."
"Hello? I think you may have broken something there. We see some very strange readings on our end. This seems to be backfiring."
"Everything is fine. The President is doing a great job and everybody loves him. There is no Russia story. The future looks bright, and we are so very, very."
"So very what? WH, you're off the scale. That was way too much for the system. You had better come back and do a reality check."
"Lalala, I'm not listening."
"Ground Control to WH, do you read me?"
"Ooh, look, a butterfly! President Trump invented those, you know. Few people know that, but it's true."
"That's it. You're gone. You will crash and burn, and there is nothing we can do. Ground Control signing off."



Saturday, June 3, 2017

Big Mouth, Small Brain

Next week, James Comey, the former director of the FBI who was fired by Donald Trump, is going to testify in a public hearing before a Senate committee. His testimony is public by his own request, and it is expected to be incriminating for Trump. Comey will probably  verify under oath what he has already said: that he was inappropriately pressured by Trump to pledge his personal loyalty to him, and asked to drop the investigation into Michael Flynn's dealings with the Russians. By his own admission, firing Comey was meant to take the pressure off of Trump. Needless to say, it didn't work, and Trump is now in deeper trouble than ever.

There was one way Trump could have dodged this bullet: he could have invoked the so-called executive privilege, which gives the President the right to confidentiality in discussions with senior staff. However, Donald Trump does not know anything about the law, or about anything else for that matter, so he has already burned that bridge by running his mouth in public about how great his meetings were with Comey, and how he was assured no less than three times that he was not under investigation himself.

Because Trump has already given a public account of his memory of those meetings, he cannot claim they are secret, and he can't stop Comey from presenting his version of what was said. Comey's recollection is likely to be very different from Trump's, because Comey kept notes, he has a good memory and a fully functioning brain, and he is an honest person.

By lying in public about something that boosted his ego but really didn't matter, like he always does, Donald Trump could actually have become the ultimate leaker, the one to finally expose his own lies.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Trump-to-English

After months of listening to Donald Trump (a true ordeal), I am finally able to present a partial translation guide. It might seem very simple, but he has been using these phrases consistently with the meaning below.

"Fake news": an inconvenient truth
"Everybody knows": I claim this without any evidence
"People are saying": some paid shill tweeted
"Nobody knew": everybody knew but me
"Few people know": most people know but I just found out, although I completely misunderstood it
"When people hear this, they are surprised": I just made this shit up
"I swear": I'm kidding
"I promise you": I really don't give a crap
"Believe me": I am lying to you
"It's true": it's not

Use this parlor to better understand President* Trump!

Everybody Except USA

With the announcement that he intends to pull out of the Paris Climate Accord, a deal that was created largely through US leadership and US initiatives, Donald Trump has once again shown that he is isolating the United States from the rest of the world. He has previously distanced himself from the EU, the UN and NATO, as well as his neighbours Mexico and Canada, just to name a few. His isolationist policy is not rational. Its roots are to be found in his obsolete and misinformed view of the world, and it will leave the United States behind when the rest of the world moves forward.

Donald Trump is a sad, lonely person, spending his evenings alone in the White House, obsessing over some imaginary conspiracy or "unfair" treatment, shouting at his TV instead of doing his job. He is a bully and nobody wants to play with him. If his decisions to withdraw from international collaborations continue, it won't be long before the United States is also a sad nation alone against the world, for no good reason.

The President is currently burning bridges and destroying the international reputation of the United States, doing damage that will be hard to undo when he is removed from office either for his financial crimes or his treasonous acts to steal the election. It would be wise to speed up his removal by any legal means that are available.